Snakes, elevators, sharks, death, spiders, darkness, mice, relationships....
Relationships??? To some, its presence amongst the heavyweights of fear may seem out of place. But to many people who suffer from relationship anxiety, it's the others that seem out of place. Everyone has his or her own personal fears and it really doesn't matter if anyone completely understands or not. As a cat-lover I can't even begin to relate to having a fear of cats, but that doesn't make it any less "real" for someone who has a feline phobia.
Personally, I am incredibly afraid of snakes - to the point of being irrational. I can't even look at a rubber snake. Seriously. I've never been bitten by one, never even been approached by one. Yet, the number one fear in my life is snakes. Why?! Part of the problem is I'm unsure of how I'd react. Would I scream, run, freak right out, faint, or a combination of the four? There's very little doubt in my mind that I'd handle the situation about as poorly as it could be handled.
Now, what if I actually (in a protected environment) got up close and personal with one of these things? What if I read articles by experts on snakes and accumulated all the information and advice on their behaviors. If this particular fear interfered with my life, these are the sort of things I would expose myself to. As it is, I go my way and "they" go theirs!
Not all fears are as easy to dismiss. For example, the fear of relationships is one that must be dealt with, as the "you go your way and I'll go mine" approach just leaves everyone lonely.
I believe that this fear also stems more from a fear of self than anything else. "Will I say the wrong thing?", "Will I be good enough for them?" "Am I attractive enough?" "What do I say, for crying out loud?!" There is so much potential for things to go wrong that it's a wonder any of us bother to get involved with anyone in the first place.
I think the first step to take in dealing with relationship anxiety is to start with yourself. If there are things about you that you don't like, begin working on them.
Do you feel overweight? Begin exercising, daily. Cut out fries, sweets, soft drinks and cut back on red meats and breads.
Are you self conscious about your appearance? Try something new with your hair, buy a new shade of make-up, grab a hot new top in a flattering color - do something that makes you more at ease in your own company.
Are you afraid you won't know what to say? Read more, broaden your horizons - you'll have more topics to choose from. If you know of any particular interests that a certain someone has, by all means - brush up on that!
When you begin to like yourself more, you'll feel worthy of affection and attention. Instead of worrying that you won't be good enough for them, you'll find yourself hoping they're good enough for you!
(c)2005, The Mental Fitness Center.
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