MAIN QUOTE
A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment
DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS
Recently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about Why Men Cheat on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harveys basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasnt Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) Whats Happening at Home Isnt Happening Like it Used To. 5) Theres Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasnt got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.
Ok. So f ar, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasnt set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, What you dont know wont hurt you. And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 - 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.
Which is why when I read this in Harveys book I decided I couldnt disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a mans cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this if we care about you. But, if not if a man doesnt see you fitting into his life plan he wont even bother with all of the covering up. WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman wont cheat, but lets clear this up right now! Let not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!
So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple Were afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We dont love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, its between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isnt very present at all.
Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? Its simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply dont want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and be forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We dont want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share anot her quote, We tell lies when we are afraid afraid of what we dont know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams. In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.
Ok, I dont expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with? Then, ask this, What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?
Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesnt hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesnt hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out abo ut lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above for yourself and the people around you.
Blessings,
Dr. Lisa Love
Copyright 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.
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