The sad fact is that all too often a couple waits until they are on the brink of divorce until, as a final resort, they'll consider giving relationship counselling a try. Conversely, other couples will try counselling early on when a problem or issue first rears its ugly little head. In other words, even if a problem is relatively minor, counselling is not something a couple should be afraid of doing. In many cases, attending counselling can catch a small problem early and prevent it from becoming a big problem later. In this method of relationship management, for want of a better term, going to counselling early when a problem first appears can even prevent a divorce at a much later date.
So many couples in this day and age, "today's couples", are usually eager to try something new, which means that going to counselling may not only be a viable option for them, but a good one if they plan to keep their relationship strong. Oftentimes, couples married a long time ago are less likely, or even just unwilling, to try a "new" approach like counselling either because when they were younger it wasn't the "done" thing or because they fear it may be proof of some terrible personal weakness. The tragic news in this segment of society is that today, marriages of 30, 40 or more years are often ending in divorce unnecessarily because some people just can't seem to be seen to bear the shame of asking a stranger for help to save their marriage.
If you think that the best thing for your relationship is to go to counselling, then you need to ask your partner in a way that is non-judgemental and non-accusatory. If you're asking him or her to go to counselling in a way that they feel like you're blaming them for whatever may be the problem in your relationship, all you're going to do is get them feeling defensive, which means that Satan will be ice-skating to work before they even think of offering any compliance to your request. It would be better if you were to make it clear that you would like the counselling for yourself, if nothing else, and that you would like and genuinely appreciate their support, even if it means them coming with you to hold your hand.
You'll have a better chance of success if you tell your partner that you want to go to counselling to work on your own issues. Doing it that way means your partner is more likely to look upon your endeavour favourably. If you explain that you want some help to be a better contributor to the relationship and that you want to learn how to be a better partner, he or she would be more likely to offer to help you in that goal. Whatever you do, don't accuse them of needing counselling and don't lay the blame on them for being most or all of the problem. Not even if you feel like they are. Not even if they really are. Don't think it and don't say it. Once you can get into counselling the likelihood is that they'll learn to be a better partner within the relationship just like you will.
Fortune favours the bold. So, never be afraid to suggest that your relationship might benefit from going to relationship counselling. It doesn't matter if you've been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or 3 decades. You both need to understand that it's never too late to bring some extra help to bear on a problem, especially if you're trying to make sure that a small problem doesn't turn into a big one later. If you suggest counselling when the relationship is new, you may think that you're admitting to problems in the relationship, admitting that the whole thing is rocky; admitting defeat even. That's completely untrue and that type of doubt is born out of fear. When you face obstacles or challenges head on in the immediate term, you will make your relationship stronger in the long term.
Your partner's reaction to the suggestion of getting counselling says more about them than it does about you or your suggestion. They may react by accusing you of saying the relationship isn't perfect or that you are sabotaging it to end in doom. This is a fear reaction. Explain that no one and nothing is perfect and that you want both of you to understand that relationships are things that need work. By admitting to this you are saying that you are willing to do whatever it takes to positively affect both of you and your relationship to give it the best chance of being the best relationship either of you have ever had.
If your partner refuses to go, go by yourself. The fact is that relationship counselling works best if you both go and you both do the work, but there will be some benefit in you going on your own, so go on in and work on things to improve your situation. If your partner sees that you're going and doing the work, and especially if they see an improvement in your general attitude and that makes an improvement in your relationship, they're more likely to join in with you at some point down the track.
Good luck.
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