January is traditionally one of the busiest times of the year for Family Lawyers. The volume of new clients seeking advice on divorce is higher than at any other time of the year. There are no doubt many reasons for this marital strife but the prolonged holiday period, stuck in the house in bad weather together, constant pressure to have a jolly time and the arrival of the first heavy Credit Card bills of the New Year due to the extravagant Christmas spend all conspire to widen existing fault lines in relationships into an unbridgeable crevasse. Here we take a (semi) serious look at the problems which divorce lawyers often hear about in January, and offer our top ten tips to avoid marital catastrophe.
1. DO NOT believe your wife when she says that she doesn't want anything this year. This might be a commentary on your total failure to select anything to her taste in previous years but is definitely a test of your thoughtfulness, imagination and attention to what she has been hinting at for months. Of course what she is really saying is that she doesn't want any (old) thing this year. Fail this test and you are toast.
2. DO ask your wife in plenty of time what she would actually like as a present, carefully write it down, and then buy it and give it to her. Don't quibble with the cost, just give thanks for clear concise risk free instructions. Flowers and a box of chocs purchased just before midnight on Xmas Eve at your all night Tesco on the way home from a few drinks with the lads will not cut it.
3. DO NOT settle down in front of the telly on Christmas Eve and not move until New Year's Day. A husband once made that mistake and was astonished when his wife appeared in front of him with her bags packed. She was also carrying a pair of garden shears, which she used to cut the plug off the TV he was watching, taking it with her (along with every other plug in the house) as she walked out the door.
4. DO NOT buy your husband socks and handkerchiefs for Christmas under any circumstances. He may well need them however, although useful, they are no fun at all. The supplies he already has will do for another couple of weeks until you can get to the January Sales. Golf equipment is also a no no. Wandering round the Golf Discount Store for hours on end is the only time that he derives pleasure from shopping and he does not wish to be deprived of this.
5. DO Sky plus everything that you would want to see on the telly. You can then give your wife exclusive control of the TV remote over the period without any sense of frustration or irritation. This goes down very well and you never know she may put something on which is to your taste. Alternatively you can have a snooze or play with your new socks and hankies instead.
6. DO NOT tell your wife that you have arranged an increase in the overdraft to ease financial pressures over the festive period. Overdrafts are not free as once had to be explained to one lady after she immediately wrote a cheque up to the new limit and paid it straight into her Personal Savings Account.
7. DO make your wife breakfast in bed on Christmas morning. This must be scrambled eggs* with smoked salmon and a decent bottle of champagne. * (Consult the unwanted, and from her point of view, offensive book, Delia's "How to Cook" that you gave her last year. In our experience Delia is nowhere near as highly regarded by women as she is by men.)
8. DO take the animals out for a walk on Christmas Day t o get them out from under your wife's feet. You will also get extra brownie points if you take the dogs with you as well.
9. DO NOT, in a mellow moment, and in the spirit of a clean start to the New Year confess to the innocuous flirtation you had with the attractive girl in typing at the office party. This will never go down well and is liable to be cast at you for the next 20 years. Further she may feel obliged to make similar confessions to you. All in all not a good idea.
10. DO have a very Merry Christmas, but if not, your divorce lawyer looks forward to seeing you in the New Year.
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