How Do You Spell Love? T - I - M - E : A Remedy for Healing Heartbreak

For the past five years I've been single again after a rocky marriage that didn't go as I had hoped. At first, I was filled with enthusiasm as I looked forward into the future to get a fresh start at love. But, as many of you might have discovered, starting over isn't always easy. In short, there are a lot of wounded hearts out there. And, when all these wounds bump into each other it can be hard to know how to create a healing balm. Well, here is one solution. Love.

But, in this article I am speaking about a particular kind of love, one that I first learned about many years ago when passing by a church billboard. It said simply, "How do you spell love? T - I - M - E." That gave me a lot to reflect on. You see time is about bonding, or connecting, which is what two of my favorite relationship counselors, Pat Love and Steven Stosney share in their brillant book, "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It."

This is true whetherthe time spe nt it is between partners, parents and children, friends, or co-workers. And, it isn't just a matter of quality time, it's time, period! As another favorite saying of mine relates, "Time is priority, we always have time for our priorities in life." Meaning, if you want to know if something or someone is a priority to you, look at how much time you invest in that person or activity.

On a personal level, I really got to experience how time heals in recent years. But, understand that I am not talking about taking time apart so that bonds can dissolve, but spending time together to lift everything up into a state of love, whether you keep things at a partnership, or just friend level.

One example of this especially stands out in my mind. It concerns a relationship I had with a man for a few years, that for various reasons didn't work out. Though at first we needed some time to pass apart from each other to cool things down and to heal our hurt, what reall y mended our hearts was making a commitment to spend loving time together. Not so we could become a couple again, but to honor what love had been shared between us. Believe me, it worked!

The time together consisted of casual lunches, a few movies out, some early evening dinners, karoke, and friendly chats on the phone. The goal was not to get back together, but to find a way to honor one another and help us remember the love that was shared between us. Over a series of months of doing this, the "salve" worked and our wounds were healed. Today a loving friendship exists because we took time to heal one another, and lift ourselves back into a state of love. (Michael - thanks for taking the time to help us heal so we could move forward in a healthy way and be free to love others).
Now, I know sometimes this isn't always practical. If we are speaking about relationships that are over, it could be one or both people have moved on with someone else. Then, you need to have an understanding partner who respects what the two of you are attempting to do. Strange as it sounds many years ago, I was actually invited to meet with a former boyfriend and his new girlfriend to be involved in such a healing process. Upon their request I took the time to drive from Los Angeles to Sacramento where they lived. There we spent three days together. During that time, I was able to bring love, compassion, and respect to the man who had never fully let me go, though we had not been a couple for years. And, I was able to bond with his new girlfriend, who finally saw first hand that I was truly not a threat. To my amazement she and I became fast friends as we spent time together. There were tears, but also there was a lot of laughter between us. I still have the picture t hat the man took of her and I holding each other in a loving hug just as I was about to go back home. I have never forgotten how powerful it was to spend that kind of loving time together. (Marvin and Olga - I still remember this, thank you for your gift of love).

You see in a world where more and more people feel abandoned and neglected, and where people are increasingly preoccupied with spending time at work, making a living, or vegging out in front of the television, too many of us are not spending the time together to bond, connect, and share our love. We are not holding each other, laughing enough together, greeting each other with a warm hello.

So, let me ask you this. Especially as we move into the holiday season, is there someone in your life you need to spend time with to bring about a healing? A partner, parent, child, co-worker, friend, former loved one that you are now estranged from? If so, here is what I recommend. Make a commitment to t ake some time to be together. Make your healing and reconnection a priority in your life. Don't let other priorities dominate and crowd out the time you have set aside to do this, or you will end up increasing the sense of abandonment and hurt all over again. Then, the healing will become even more difficult.

And, if you choose to do this here are some ground rules.

1. Set aside time to be together.
2. Know that the goal is to help each other heal.
3. Don't discuss hurts at first. Just keep it casual.
4. Reconnecting in public is a good idea to start. Lunches are best at the beginning.
5. If you were partners once, refrain from anything sexual. This is not an attempt to rekindle a relationship at this point, it is only about healing past hurts.
6. As much as possible, as you are first reconnecting, keep the time spent to a minimum, but be sure to make the time you spend together consistent! Long gaps, or broken commitment s regarding spending healing time together, will only create more hurt.
7. If the two of you do want to talk about any hurt caused between the two of you, don't do it until you have had at least five casual reconnections, maybe even as many as seven. Remember the goal at first is connection, not communication.
8. If someone feels sensitive, or mistrusts your intention to spend healing time together, know that time spent in the right way will help that as well. Share that you care about that person. Let them know you want to spend some time with them. Pick something to do together that the two of you would enjoy. (And, remember I am talking about parents spending time with children, and friends spending time with friends, not just former partners healing hurts together).

Ultimately, I have found in my own experience that this kind of healing time really works. But, remember to be consistent in doing this. Set a regular time if you need to. And, stick t o the rules to not discuss any hurt between you until you have had consistent casual time together.

Believe me, this works. And, what better thing to do over the holidays than to mend hurts with the people you love (and once loved), than to let them fester any longer.

Want more help? Also, consider this book, "I Thought We'd Never Speak Again." Or, call me for a counseling session. Information about how to contact me is available at my website. http://www.doctorlisalove.com

Happy Healing to You!

Blessings and love,

Lisa

Copyright 2009 by Dr. Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

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Why Real Love Requires Self Love

MAIN QUOTE

We are want to condemn self-love; but what we really mean to condemn is contrary to self-love. It is that mixture of selfishness and self-hate that permanently pursues us, that prevents us from loving others, and that prohibits us from losing ourselves. ~ Paul Valery, French Poet, 1871 - 1945

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

As a counselor I have often told people that they need to learn to love themselves. Yet, while saying this to others, I have at times taken pause to reflect and ask myself, What does that really mean? How do we know the difference between a self-love and a selfish love? And, what can we do practically to love ourselves in the right way? Perhaps the quote above holds a clue, because I believe true self love fills us with enough joy, peace, and love that our desire to be loving human beings grows. Because of this we want to express more empathy, compassion, and understanding toward s others. Selfish love does the contrary. It increases our sense of self-loathing or our disdain and anger towards others. It causes us to act increasingly in our own best interests without considering the interests of others. It causes us to want to sacrifice others needs and desires in service to our own, instead of the other way around. Or, it causes us to self-destruct through a number of behaviors that may feel good temporarily, but ultimately they lead to the shutting down of our hearts and spiral us downward into increased self-loathing and self-reproach.
How then do we love ourselves in the right way? By first and foremost learning what love is. Then, by insisting that we feed ourselves with that love. This is best done by finding people who know how to love. From them we learn how to adopt loving mindsets, feelings, and behaviors. And, it is done by setting boundaries on people who dont know how to encourage the greatest level of love in us. Because when we truly have that kind of love in our lives we are increasingly a blessing to others. Which is why real love requires that we love ourselves in the right way, so we can have the strength to love, the wisdom to love, and the energy to love those who need our love the most.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.

FREE GIFTS ON MY WEBSITE: Go to: http://www.doctorlisalove.com/freegifts.html

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Why Real Love Requries Honesty

MAIN QUOTE

A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

DR. LISA LOVE REFLECTIONS

Recently, I picked up a great book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Overall, I love the book except one part of it gave me pause and made me reflect. It was in the chapter about Why Men Cheat on their wives, girlfriends, etc. Harveys basic answers are: 1) They Can. 2) They Think They Can Get Away With It. 3) He Hasnt Become Who He Wants and Needs to Be or Found Who He Truly Wants. 4) Whats Happening at Home Isnt Happening Like it Used To. 5) Theres Always a Woman Out There Willing to Cheat With Him. And, ultimately he explains the man hasnt got his priorities straight especially in having a real and meaningful spiritual practice in his life.

Ok. So f ar, so good. And, I also agree with what Harvey says regarding why a man is able to get away with his cheating and lying behavior with the women he is with. One reason this happens Harvey explains (using my paraphraze of what he says not his exact words now) is because any woman he is with hasnt set high enough standards in her life to respect and love herself enough to see what is going on right in front of her and take a stand about it. She basically colludes in the notion that denial is good for you. After all, What you dont know wont hurt you. And, since her denial lets him get away with what he wants to, he is happy to join in on the denial party with her. But, denial is not good for you and it feeds one of my four major love myths I discuss in my Attracting Real Love course love is blind. Wrong! Real love actually requires 20 - 20 vision because you only know how to really love yourself and others when you are seeing what you need to see clearly.
Which is why when I read this in Harveys book I decided I couldnt disagree more. He says if a woman starts to catch on to a mans cheating and lying behavior and starts to ask questions a man is going to just do more of his lying and denying game. Why? Harvey says men will do this if we care about you. But, if not if a man doesnt see you fitting into his life plan he wont even bother with all of the covering up. WHOA!!! Come on, Steve! I know the rest of your book also says that a man who really loves a woman wont cheat, but lets clear this up right now! Let not make it seem like somebody is cheating and hiding the truth from someone out of love. No way, no how!

So, why do we really lie? Plain and simple Were afraid. Period. Why are we afraid? We dont love ourselves or the people around us enough to live in truth. And, real love requires the truth. Not some blunt rude make people feel stupid and horrible version of truth. But, truth nonetheless! And, if you want proof of who has the most loving relationships going on between them? Well, its between people who can live in truth completely. They love and respect each other so much they want to be honest with them. They care about not hurting them. They care about being loved and respected in return for who they are flaws and all. And, they want a partner who can hear the truth and help bring it all into the realm of consciousness in a loving way and heal any fear in the realm of love. That means the more a couple lies to each other, the more they actually are in fear of each other, which means love really isnt very present at all.

Now, why do we refuse to live in truth? Its simple. We are thinking more about ourselves and coming from our egos. We simply dont want to have to face the consequences of what we are doing and be forced to change our hurtful behaviors. We dont want to feel bad about ourselves by having to see clearly what is really going on. Or, to share anot her quote, We tell lies when we are afraid afraid of what we dont know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams. In short, we are afraid to love and feed fear in our lives instead.

Ok, I dont expect people to be perfect. But, try this on for size. Next time you catch yourself or other people telling lies ask yourself this, What am I afraid of and how does this reflect a lack of love in myself or a lack of love regarding the people I am with? Then, ask this, What would it be like to love myself and others enough to be willing to take the scrape, instead of give one?

Notice this as well. Despite what people say finding out the truth doesnt hurt! What hurts is discovering how much there was a lack of love and how real love was replaced by deception and fear. Remember, real love heals it doesnt hurt. And, though it may hurt to find out abo ut lies, shedding them actually opens you up to attracting more real love in your life creating space for the rapture described in the main quote above for yourself and the people around you.

Blessings,

Dr. Lisa Love

Copyright 2009 by Lisa Love. All Rights Reserved.


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Cheating Husband --3 Reasons Why Men Cheat

There are many ways for men to cheat on wives or partners. In addition to traditional cheating behaviors, computer technology has made it easier than ever for a cheating husband to be unfaithful. The cheating husband is becoming more and more common. Why?

The ways in which a man cheats are preceded by the reasons why a man cheats. Cheating doesnt happen in a vacuum; the reasons for a cheating husband to risk his marriage occur over a period of time. Cheating tends not to be impulsive; usually, it is considered and reconsidered before it actually happens. Here are some reasons why men cheat.

Taking Men For Granted

When two people enter into a marriage or a committed relationship, they can relax. Searching for a mate is over, the courtship has been a success, and the couple is optimistic about being in a long-term partnership. As time passes, many couples begin to take the relationship, and their spouse, for granted. They assume that their part ner will stay in the relationship regardless of how they are treated or what is said to them. This is a very inaccurate and very destructive assumption because it could result in a cheating husband or wife.

Men, like women, want to know that they are valued. If they begin to be ignored, or if their efforts are taken for granted, they will start to question their purpose in the relationship. They will wonder why their spouse is treating them badly before they begin thinking of becoming a cheating husband. Over time, they will tire of feeling like a non-entity in the relationship, and their spouses behavior will lead them to seek value and respect elsewhere, leading to infidelity and a crisis in the marriage.

Stereotyping Behaviors

Terms such as macho, Neanderthal, and testosterone are used as stereotypes and hyper-masculine imagery to refer to men. These terms inaccurately define men as violence-prone cavemen; they are also used to degrade men. A Neanderthal was a caveman who survived using violence, and a macho man is commonly assumed to think of himself as superior to other men and all women. When a man is seen as a stereotype, his individuality is lost, and his behavior is categorized according to preconceived assumptions. A macho man is always looking for a fight, a Neanderthal has little brain capacity and is only interested in survival, and a man filled with testosterone is pre-occupied with sex. All of these beliefs are based on the limited view provided by stereotypes, and most men resent not being seen as an individual. This resentment is also seen in men of color, disabled men, and men who were raised in cultures that highly value traditional male-female roles. Use of such stereotypes enco urage and support men to act in ways that are detrimental to relationships, including as cheating husbands.

Emasculating Language

When couples argue, emasculating language may be used, and it can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. Emasculating language is used to attack; terms such as wimp, sissy, or wus can make a man feel impotent, ineffective, and powerless. Men react strongly to these words because they assail his core being. Regardless of how society has progressed, men still see themselves as providers and protectors. Emasculating language damages a mans self image. When a man hears words that have an emasculating effect, he may start thinking of finding someone who respects his masculinity. This could result in a cheating husband. Cheating cuts across all cultures, income levels, and educational backgrounds. No relationship is immune to infidelity. High-profile, cheating spouses are popularized on television and in movies; however, m illions of couples may be experiencing infidelity at any given time. While the methods of cheating are well known, the actual reasons why people cheat are just as important to note. Knowing why people cheat may prevent a potential cheating husband from risking his marriage.

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Your Husband Cheated And Its All Your Fault Pt. 1

You are probably expecting me to detail everything that men want in a relationship that you are not doing enough of, if any at all. In a nutshell, you don't have enough sex, you definitely don't perform enough oral sex, you don't praise him enough, you don't cook enough or if you do cook, you don't cook the food the way he really wants it cooked, you don't keep the house clean enough, you don't take care of the children the way he thinks that you should, you don't iron his clothes the way he likes them ironed, you don't contribute enough money to the household, the tone in which you speak to him is not to his liking, you talk to muchdid I mention that you talk to much? Oh, and of course you don't have enough sex.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Did your husband sleep with another woman? Maybe he slept with a lot of other women? Is it possible that you "wanted" him to break your coveted vows by telling countless lies, being secretive, with-holding truth, sneaking around with other women (or in some cases other men), and carrying on in a fashion not conducive to a healthy relationship? Did you have a fear that your husband would cheat? Did you already know of his infidelities in his previous relationships? Were you the other woman cheating with him in his last relationship? No matter why you've chosen to read this article it is my intention to reveal to you how you created this experience and to assist you in your personal self-discovery. You don't have to suffer in the despair of heartbreak, you only have to understand your role in the affair so that you can move forward without continued pain.

I'll bet you are wondering what qualifies me to write this article? Well, I've been cheated on enough to have learned a few lessons about it and I'm intelligent enough to accept responsibility for having brought the experiences into my life.

Let's be clear on exactly what cheating is in a relationship. It is when two people have established boundaries for the relationship and one or both involved in the relationship operate outside of the boundaries. I believe that every relationship is unique and only those involved in that relationship can define the rules that will confine it, often referred to by me as the "Relationship Agreement". For the sake of understanding cheating and accepting responsibility for bringing a cheater into your experience we must establish what constitutes cheating. Cheating plainly means: breaking the ties that bind the relationship.

You are always perfectly matched with life experiences that provide what you are subconsciously desiring. Your husband, in his cheating is fulfilling his desires on multiple levels and you in this situation are also fulfilling your desires. Now, to completely understand this idea you have to acknowledge that everything in your life is in Divine Order. You are exactly where you should be, doing exactly what you should be doing in order to gain the experiences that are necessary for you to expand. Let go of the notion that you are a "victim" of your husband's infidelities. Being a victim renders you powerless, it diminishes your personal value. When you release your need, your desire to be a victim of your husbands choices, you re-ignite your powerful resilience to learn, engage and create the relationships of your choosing. What you are experiencing is always perfectly aligned with what you are wanting.

"What are you saying, Angel? That I want a cheating husband?"

No, absolutely not! What I am saying is that your inner-being wanted to learn something very important from your cheating husband. I can't tell you exactly what that is, trust, love, acceptance, forgiveness, humilityI don't know, because I don't know you. However, what I do know is that there is something in the experience of your cheating husband that you desired to live so that your spirit could grow.

In past relationships, I would descended into a deep spiral of tragic thoughts and emotions about all that I could've possibly done or not done to cause him to want sex with any other woman besides me until I uncovered the truth about why men have cheated on me. The answer came clearlyit was always my fault. Any and every woman who has ever been in a relationship with a cheater has "chosen" that as a part of her unique life experience. That's right, I am saying that for whatever reason, you invited this type of person into your personal intimate journey. For me it was about trust. I revealed that my core relationship experiences were about learning to trust others and myself in life. It is up to you to ascertain the underlying reasons for your personal experience and move forward into the expansion of you.

For more information visit:

www.angeltyree.com

Disclaimer: The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for

well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this report for yourself, which is your constitutional right,

the author assumes no responsibility for your actions.

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Vera Brezhneva Released Her First Solo Album - "Love Will Save the World"

This album includes already well-known tracks "Love Will Save the World", "Nirvana", "Love in the City" (the main soundtrack to the film "Love in the City"), "I I do not play, "If you will be brave," "Pronto feat. Potap, that took their places in the charts of various radio stations.

On the music channels were actively rotated videos for the songs: "Love Will Save the World", "Nirvana", "Pronto," "Love in the City", "I do not play." Music video "Love Will Save the World" was considered the most rotated music video of summer 2010 at the Russian music channels.

Song "Pronto" appeared on the radio and music channels in September 2010. It was a duet with Ukrainian hip-hop star Potap.

Presentation of the album took place on November 24 in the Blan Cafe.

Vera Brezhneva opened the presentation with the new song, "If you will be with me" and sincerely thanked all the people who helped her to release this disc. Between so ngs Vera told how much heart she put into its creation of this album, and how she and her creative team went to the concerts in the cities of Russia.
Vera Brezhneva remembered how she had started her career in the group "VIA Gra". She did not commented and criticized the work of here "native" group.

The album "Love will save the World" - this is favorite songs, fresh new songs and many surprises ... Fans were waiting for this since 2007, and finally Vera Brezhneva introduced you to her first solo album!

Vera Brezhneva was a member of "gold membership" of the famous pop trio "VIA Gra" from 2003 to 2007. A new music video "Do not leave me, darling!" with the participation of Vera Brezhneva took leading positions in the charts of the CIS.

By the way, the nickname "Brezhneva" was contrived by producer of the group: in her native city Dneprodzerzhinsk was born CPSU General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev.

Real surname of Vera is Galushka. Mom worked at the metallurgical plant in Dneprodzerzhinsk, father - at the chemical plant. In addition to Vera they have two daught ers. One of them, Victoria, in December 2007 married a famous entertainer, actor and now director of Russia's First Channel.

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Promoting Your Book Online With BlogTalkRadio

BlogTalkRadio.com is a website that allows anyone with an internet connection to host their own internet radio show. Internet radio and podcasts have soared in popularity over the last few years. Let's discover why and how these new technology mediums can benefit you and your book. Read on for more info. Or go eat a sandwich. Either works for me. I don't have anywhere to be today.

Contents:
1. History
2. Searching For Your Niche
3. Radio Show Formats
4. How To Be A Guest
5. How To Be A Great Guest
6. Promote Your Show
7. Follow Up
8. Host Your Own Show
9. The Audience
10. Press
11. In Closing

1. HISTORY

Internet Radio
We've had terrestrial radio for decades now, but one day, on his drive to work, some computer geek turned on the radio in his 1992 Geo Prism and all he heard for the duration of his commute were advertisements. Not a single note of music came through the speakers. He had a realization that if people around the world could create their own internet radio stations, then the audience wouldn't have to sit through hours upon hours of mundane advertisements in hopes of hearing their favorite song. He immediately turned his car around, went home to him computer, and figured out a way for people to set up their own radio stations at home that would stream audio to the internet. He's probably a millionaire now. Of course, I can't back up any of these facts.

Point is, suddenly hundreds of thousands of people were running radio stations from their basements and bedrooms that people online could listen to on their computers simply by clicking a link on a website. There were shows about everything! Some internet radio pirates would spotlight undiscovered music, while others would use the medium to host talk radio about the benefits of using name brand Q-Tips instead of the generics. There was definitely something for everyone.

The only downside to internet radio was that you had to be at your computer in order to listen to it. Aside from walking down the street with your computer hoisted up on your shoulder ala some kind of 1980's boom box with a wire connecting to your home internet port, there weren't many options.

This of course led to the invention of...

Podcasting
With the invention of the portable digital audio player (most commonly known as an iPod, but apparently there are other brands. Not sure if I believe that) we now had a vehicle for our music and radio to come with us. One day, while listening to his favorite "Heartbreaking Ballads of the 80's" internet radio station, some computer geek's mom called down into his basement bedroom and asked him to run to the store for some milk. Frustrated that he would miss the ending of his favorite song, "My Love is Like a Synthesizer," he had a crazy idea... What if he could put the radio show on his iPod? He immediately locked his bedroom door and figured out a way to put radio shows onto his MP3 player. He's probably a millionaire now. Of course, these facts are absolutely made up.

Podcasts are growing wildly in popularity and are currently a large source of entertainment during many people's daily commutes. Next time you're in a train, plane, subway, or bus, look around at how many of your fellow passengers have a cord running from their ears to their pockets. Chances are that a good 60% of those folks are listening to podcasts specifically, and more importantly, they COULD be listening to you.

BlogTalkRadio
Why BlogTalkRadio (BTR) is such a powerful tool is that it combines both Internet Radio and Podcasting into one simple website that does not require you to be a computer geek. It simply requires you to be able to read the instructions, and you can be broadcasting a show online in no time.
BTR Hosts schedule the air-times for their shows in advance. Listeners can go onto their Show's personalized pages and click a reminder button that will email them when the show is going to air. If the listener is on that show's BTR when the broadcast is scheduled to begin, it will start playing, and they can enjoy it from the comfort of their computer chair.

Where BlogTalkRadio becomes awesome is that several hours after each show has aired, they are available from the show's page as an MP3 download where users can store the show on their hard drive and then add it to their iPod in order to listen later. BAM: Instant podcast.

I know, I know... we're here to promote your book and I'm just giving you info on the differences between internet radio and podcasts. There's no way this foundational knowledge will be important as you read on. That would be ludicrous, right?

As I mentioned, internet radio allows everyday people like you and me (or just me, if you're a weirdo) to claim a small part of the internet where we can talk about absolutely anything we want to. And I do mean ANYTHING. Take a quick spin around the BlogTalkRadio home page and you will see what's broadcasting live at any given time. There are shows about politics, finances, sports, culture, family, and of course... (wait for it)... BOOKS!

The best part about all of these people broadcasting their shows is that they need not only things to talk about, but people to talk to. And that's where we, the authors, come in.

2. SEARCHING FOR YOUR NICHE

There's a handy-dandy search window in the upper right corner of the website that allows you to plug in some keywords for what you'd like to listen to. A quick search of the word "Books" brings up around 325 shows discussing books in some capacity. Right there are 325 shows that could potentially like to discuss your book.

Looking to siphon out the riff raff and go right for the jugular of your target audience? Let's say that your book was a romance novel. A query of "Romance Novel" yields over 500 radio shows dedicated to both books and romance, and I bet the people listening to these shows would absolutely love your book.

Keep in mind that as an author, you are not stuck to appearing on book and author related podcasts. There are also tons of BTR news stations available as well. If the subject of your book lines up with a current event, then it's more than likely that you could appear on their show as an expert on the subject. Keep an open mind and don't miss an opportunity to find additional niches. If your book is non-fiction, run a simple search for whatever your book is about. I'm sure that you'll be surprised at the amount of people who are talking about that subject. If you can get onto one of those shows, you'll be speaking directly to your target audience.

3. RADIO SHOW FORMATS

Every show has its own format, and I suggest signing up for an account with the website and listening to many episodes to feel out which style works best for you and what you're trying to accomplish. The major formats that I hear most often in the world of book-related podcasts are:

Book Review shows
Occasionally, these shows are the hosts talking to either a co-host or just whoever happens to be listening about what books they read over the last day/month/year, and giving verbal reviews of them. There aren't a lot of bells and whistles to these types of shows. Sometimes the host might only discuss certain genres of books, or they might be open to anything. With review shows you have to realize up front that not everyone is going to love your book, so you have to be prepared to get a less than sparkling review of your book. It just happens sometimes. If the host sounds like someone who might genuinely enjoy your book, you should consider sending them one! They can't talk about it if they don't even know that it exists, right? More on contacting hosts below.

Author Interviews
Another popular type of show is the author interview where the host will actually hold conversation with the writer to discuss the book, what it's about, where people can buy it, what makes them tick, future projects, etc. They're very informative and allow the author to make a connection with anyone listening. These types of shows will usually get you more sales since readers will feel like they know you as a person from hearing you talk and you play a larger part in deciding what points you will cover and the topics that will be discussed.

4. HOW TO BE A GUEST

Contacting the host
Once you've decided what type of show or shows you'd like to participate in, make a list of the shows on BTR that you feel that you'd be a good fit for. Jot down the names of the shows, or bookmark the show's page in your browser for quick reference. Get in the habit of actually listening to some episodes so you don't accidentally look like a fool by offering to talk about your Sci-Fi Thriller on a show about Self-Help books.

Once you've narrowed down your choices, look on the show's BTR page, as hosts will typically provide info or links to sites where they tell you how to be a guest on the show. Each show has their own set of guidelines or criteria that authors and books must meet in order to be considered. You'll also be provided with a contact email address or (better yet) a form to submit.

Booking a Review
If you're inquiring about being a guest on a book review type show, then offer to send copies to the host (if they're not already mandatory). Then be sure to actually send them. In fact, send a whole press kit with our book and a one-sheet that has all pertinent info (ISBN#, page count, date of publication, etc...). Once the host has received the book, you should get an email letting you know when the show which will feature your book will air. Mark your calendar.

Booking an Interview
Once the host gets around to fielding your request they'll usually send an email of acceptance or rejection to having you as a guest. If you get the green light, then you'll more than likely be provided with dates and times of upcoming scheduled shows, and you can pick one that suits your schedule. Mark your calendar.

Once you've confirmed, the host will send you a call-in phone number that you'll dial on the day of the interview and in a perfect world, they are on the other end waiting for you. They may also send you a script for the show (see below).

IMPORTANT NOTE: Since BlogTalkRadio hosts live all over the world, be sure to find out what time zone they are in and do the difficult mathematical conversions to ensure you show up at the right time. Google can help you with this process if you quit math after graduating high school, like I did.

5. HOW TO BE A GREAT GUEST

Some notes on Hosts
Keep in mind that not every host out in internet radio land is a professional. Yes, there are folks who do these shows as their full time jobs and there are lots of amateurs looking to cut their teeth in the world of broadcasting, and this is their doorway. Under no circumstances should you assume that an amateur Host will not have a good show. More often than not, they run the tightest ships since they are trying to prove themselves. Be flexible with the hosts if technical issues arise or something unexpected happens. You'd want them to do the same for you.

One major difference that I've noticed amongst hosts is the use of scripts. The professionals will provide you with a show script ahead of time so that you can follow along and know where you are in the show. You'll also see a list of the questions they plan to ask you. A few days before the show, ensure that you give them a read and maybe even jot down any hot topics you want to discuss during your interview. Is your book on sale? Have an upcoming appearance or signing? Giving something away? You don't want to forget about these things once you're on the air and time is flying by (and it will!). If you see any questions on the script that you'd prefer not be asked, let the host know. They're not out to Bill O'Reilly you, they just want to have a good conversation. One the opposite side of the coin, if there are particular questions you'd liked to be asked, also let them know. They'll always be accommodating to those requests to ensure that everyone benefits from the upcom ing conversation. You should have a message that you want to deliver, and they want to have a great show.

Depending on what type of show you or your book will be appearing on, take note of any special requests the host may have. For instance, they may ask you to call in to the show a few minutes early so that the two of you can talk a bit and get familiar with one another. If you're doing a reading from your book, some hosts may ask that you pre-record it in order to have a perfect reading on file. This way you don't get crack under the pressure of a live audience, your phone doesn't drop the call mid-sentence, or they may just want to hear what you are reading. If you do not have the tools to pre-record your segment, let the host know and work out an alternative method. If you have any special requests of the host, just ask! They're usually nice people who appreciate anything they can do to make your segment as easy going and natural as possible.

Be Yourself... and be Fun
There's nothing worse than listening to an author interview only to discover that they have no personality. Here's a few things you'll want to keep in mind during your live interview:

* You cannot be shy on the air and expect your host to dig interesting facts and funny anecdotes out of you.

* Come prepared.

* Don't give simple Yes or No answers to questions.

* Expand on your ideas.

* Don't talk when the host talking.

* Do talk when the host is not talking. Awkward silence is bad.

* Be funny if you can.

* Don't try to be funny if you're not funny.

* Smile when you talk.

* Don't be inebriated.

* Always have your book close by in case you need to reference or read from it.

* Use the opportunity to 'sell' your book because you can do it better than anyone else.

* Don't do the interview in the same room as your crying children or your hungry dog. You could put them in a room together though and that should solve both problems.

Since you're getting a platform to discuss your work, there are some things you should ALWAYS mention. If the host is good, they'll bring these up during the course of the conversation. It's also very easy to get sidetracked once a conversation has started and next thing you know, your segment is over!

Always remember to mention the following 5 things while on the air:

1. Your elevator speed (a 10 second spiel explaining what your book is about)

2. Your website address

3. Your social networks (Facebook, Twitter, etc)

4. Where people can find buy your book

5. How they will benefit from reading it

6. PROMOTE YOUR SHOW

So you've found a BTR show that feels like a good match for you and your book. You've emailed the host and they're looking forward to speaking about you or reviewing your book. Now what?

Now you go and promote it! Put it on your website, Twitter about it, create event invitations on Facebook and Goodreads and let the world know! Get friends and family to check it out and afterward have them provide honest feedback (especially if you're being interviewed). They may be able to point out little things that you did or didn't do that you can improve on in the next round. You'll be a pro before you know it!

The more people who listen to the show, the more books you can possibly sell. The beauty of BlogTalkRadio is that even if people don't listen live, they can always download it later and still get the same great message! You might not see a spike in sales immediately following the show, however, a month later you might be surprised and more and more people share the show with their friends.

7. FOLLOW UP

It might sound like common sense, but you'd be amazed how often this part is overlooked: after the show has taken place, it's important that you take a few minutes to email the host and thank them for having you as a guest. Depending on how your show went, they may offer to book you again in the future, or encourage you to email them once you've released a new book. More often than not, I've also had responses from hosts letting me know that they are passing along my book/info to another show host where I'd be a good fit. I've gotten guest-blogging opportunities and reviews from the host's word of mouth. Follow the host or show on Twitter and become their friends on Facebook. They're part of your network now!

8. HOST YOUR OWN SHOW

If you write in a smaller genre and are having trouble finding radio stations to match your book or subject, don't fret. In fact, if you have the time to dedicate, why not start your own weekly radio program about that very topic? Chances are that there's an audience for it, but nowhere for them to go to discuss. Start the radio show and you could build a reader base relatively quickly. Use your resources!

9. THE AUDIENCE

There's no surefire way to tell how many people are listening/have listened to your BlogTalkRadio show, but assume that each station has its own built in crowd and they are growing all the time. If someone finds a show they like, it's not uncommon for them to listen to the archived episodes where they just might run across your book review or interview. If you get on board with some smaller podcasts when they're starting off, either as an "expert" in a particular area, or just as a great guest, don't be surprised when they are emailing you on a regular basis to have you back. Make sure that with each visit you have the opportunity to promote your book.

10. PRESS

Once you have successfully been a guest on several podcasts, don't forget to add them to your resume! Especially if you want to do readings or presentations based around your book, people will want to hear what you sound like, so give it to them! If you have a Press area on your website (you do, don't you?) make sure you have a downloadable MP3, a link to the show (where it can be downloaded), or use BTR's awesome 'embedded player' feature to let visitors listen directly from your website!

If you have a Press or Media section on your website, also be sure to post links to book reviews, print articles, or anything else positive about your book.

11. IN CLOSING

BlogTalkRadio is still fairly new and they are always expanding with fresh ideas, so I'm reasonably sure that I've only tipped the iceburg in this article. Visit the website often and run lots of searches since new

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