Self-Esteem and You-The Beginnings-Part IV (In my twenty-four (+) years as an outpatient psychologist, I have worked with all walks of people, of all ages and beliefs, of all races and income levels. Every one of the people I work with has a self-esteem. Every one of these people got that self-esteem by living day-to-day, absorbing messages about themselves in every context and activity. How does self-esteem form? This is part II of a series of article, each starting where the previous one ended...) Hormones cut in earlier in life than we realize. In girls, hormones begin at about age eight and one-half years. In boys, this occurs about one year later. Physical changes do not usually show up in either gender until several years later (with some occasional dramatic exceptions), but behavioral changes start within a month or two. The most reported and complained about behavior changes (from the parent's point of view) is "testiness." Not surprisingly, androgen (testosterone, which has the same root word as testiness)) is one of the most powerful of the hormones flooding both genders at this age. This hormone pushes behaviors to extremes, so right away kids start to challenge their parents, asking why when they can't have their way, resisting guidance, etc. This is all the behavioral cursor to puberty. In high school, this hormone torrent has reached a peak, pushing behaviors to even greater limits, and paradoxically, driving us to interact. After all, the purpose of hormones is to propel the body into adulthood, when we will meet others, mate and ultimately produce little ones but also conquer the world. Hormones drive expansion. It is the biological imperative. Not surprisingly, this is one of the big events that sets up the next major phase in the development of our self-esteems. How we relate to others shapes how we will fair in life, whether it is in or out of relationship heaven (vs. that "other" place), whether we successfully compete wit h others for jobs, salaries, positions, etc. But for now, the relationships emerging in high school become something of a blueprint for how we will approach setting up life partners, or multiple life relationships, with significant others, or even continuing with family. In the high school environment, self-esteem and particularly, relating to others is paramount. We all know the horrors of peer pressure, especially if we fail to live up to norms. Unfortunately, the norms change, as do the daily circumstances. This is a period of intrapersonal acceleration; meaning, concerning others, things start happening really fast. We run into others more frequently and at the same time we have greater freedoms, being older, and greater sensitivities, being more driven to define ourselves, socially. These confluences create confusion, because there are multiple conflicts inherent to the instability of such dramatic changes. Relationships are good one minute, then bad. We fall in love, a nd then hate that very same person an hour later. Our self-esteems ride to the tops of these waves, only to sink to the very bottom a short time later. This is the influence of hormones with emerging independences and increased abilities. Growth is good but during this phase wreaks havoc. Most teens respond to such a whirlwind of sensations, thoughts and feelings, by bonding with fellow sufferers. We form cliques, commonly known in sociology parlance as "in-groups" or "out-groups." Kids talk of this by referring to the "popular" kids. That motivates the outsiders to form their own cliques and has spawned a zillion social and cultural oddities (think of any crazy behavioral teen trend and this will become immediately obvious). It is all based upon defining self, either with a group or against it. In both cases, the message to self is, "this is how I fit in" or "this is how I don't want to fit in," etc. The crux of this dynamic is forming self in relation to others. The messag es are more and more self-created, but are largely hormonally driven in the beginning of high school. In the next article, work and permanent relationships and their influence on self-esteem....Part V.-Dr. Griggs
Self-Esteem and You-The Beginnings-Part IV (In my twenty-four (+) years as an outpatient psychologist, I have worked with all walks of people, of all ages and beliefs, of all races and income levels. Every one of the people I work with has a self-esteem. Every one of these people got that self-esteem by living day-to-day, absorbing messages about themselves in every context and activity. How does self-esteem form? This is part II of a series of article, each starting where the previous one ended...) Hormones cut in earlier in life than we realize. In girls, hormones begin at about age eight and one-half years. In boys, this occurs about one year later. Physical changes do not usually show up in either gender until several years later (with some occasional dramatic exceptions), but behavioral changes start within a month or two. The most reported and complained about behavior changes (from the parent's point of view) is "testiness." Not surprisingly, androgen (testosterone, which has the same root word as testiness)) is one of the most powerful of the hormones flooding both genders at this age. This hormone pushes behaviors to extremes, so right away kids start to challenge their parents, asking why when they can't have their way, resisting guidance, etc. This is all the behavioral cursor to puberty. In high school, this hormone torrent has reached a peak, pushing behaviors to even greater limits, and paradoxically, driving us to interact. After all, the purpose of hormones is to propel the body into adulthood, when we will meet others, mate and ultimately produce little ones but also conquer the world. Hormones drive expansion. It is the biological imperative. Not surprisingly, this is one of the big events that sets up the next major phase in the development of our self-esteems. How we relate to others shapes how we will fair in life, whether it is in or out of relationship heaven (vs. that "other" place), whether we successfully compete wit h others for jobs, salaries, positions, etc. But for now, the relationships emerging in high school become something of a blueprint for how we will approach setting up life partners, or multiple life relationships, with significant others, or even continuing with family. In the high school environment, self-esteem and particularly, relating to others is paramount. We all know the horrors of peer pressure, especially if we fail to live up to norms. Unfortunately, the norms change, as do the daily circumstances. This is a period of intrapersonal acceleration; meaning, concerning others, things start happening really fast. We run into others more frequently and at the same time we have greater freedoms, being older, and greater sensitivities, being more driven to define ourselves, socially. These confluences create confusion, because there are multiple conflicts inherent to the instability of such dramatic changes. Relationships are good one minute, then bad. We fall in love, a nd then hate that very same person an hour later. Our self-esteems ride to the tops of these waves, only to sink to the very bottom a short time later. This is the influence of hormones with emerging independences and increased abilities. Growth is good but during this phase wreaks havoc. Most teens respond to such a whirlwind of sensations, thoughts and feelings, by bonding with fellow sufferers. We form cliques, commonly known in sociology parlance as "in-groups" or "out-groups." Kids talk of this by referring to the "popular" kids. That motivates the outsiders to form their own cliques and has spawned a zillion social and cultural oddities (think of any crazy behavioral teen trend and this will become immediately obvious). It is all based upon defining self, either with a group or against it. In both cases, the message to self is, "this is how I fit in" or "this is how I don't want to fit in," etc. The crux of this dynamic is forming self in relation to others. The messag es are more and more self-created, but are largely hormonally driven in the beginning of high school. In the next article, work and permanent relationships and their influence on self-esteem....Part V.-Dr. Griggs/page6.html
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