Do Men Really Want Their Wives Back After They Cheated?

I often hear from both wives who are affected by a husband's affair as well as the women that they sometimes cheat with. Often, the wives are having trouble believing that the husband sincerely wants to come back and to save the marriage. They secretly believe that he's just saying what he needs to say to avoid a costly divorce or to keep from losing his children.

Meanwhile, I'll sometimes hear from the mistress who will say things like: "I gave him everything that he wanted. I didn't make demands on him. I did what I could to provide what he said that his wife wouldn't. Why, then, has he gone back to her? I don't understand. He told me all sorts of things about his wife and now he's with her. What did I do wrong?"

I'll try my best to answer these concerns on both sides (and to share some insights that cheating husbands share with me) in the following article.

How Husbands Really Feel About The Other Woman?: It would be inaccurate and unfair to say that every husband who cheats has similar feelings about the mistress. Every man, and every relationship, is going to be different. Some man tell me that the mistress really doesn't mean anything to them emotionally, although she does provide an outlet when they are going through the personal issues that he perceives as too troubling, shameful, or embarrassing to share with you.

Some men actually think that they love their mistresses, but this often does not last. He will sometimes project things onto her that he later learns don't really exist. He wants to see her as the temporary answer to his problems or as the thing that will make him feel better or more confident. The problem with this is that ultimately as time goes by, he can't help but realize that he's been generous or inaccurate in his perceptions about her. He might even eventually come to realize that there is no one, and no thing, that can help him with his problems other than himself.

Mistresses often write to me quite angry and upset when a husband decides to end things. Many of them really have believed what he was telling them. At the time, they are not able to see that if he is deceitful to his wife, the one person who knows him better than anyone else, why then would he suddenly be truthful to a stranger? The reality is that he is often telling the mistress exactly what she wants to hear and what will allow for him to carry this out. It's often not even close to reality, but it's what they both need to hear to see this through.

Many women who cheat with other women's husbands intellectually know that the situation they are in is generally not a desirable one, but they get so caught up into it, that they will attempt to think that their situation is "different." They want to believe the husband. They want to believe that they are special, and unique, and that they "get him" in a way that other women don't. And, you really can't totally blame them for this. We are all guilty of acting in ways that allow us to believe that we are getting our heart's desires. It's just a matter of self preservation as we see it at the time.

Determining If Your Husband Really Wants To Come Back To You Or If He's Just Trying To Avoid The Undesirable Fall Out Of Being Caught Cheating: Many wives tell me that they don't begin to believe that their husband is sincere in wanting to save the marriage. They think that he just doesn't want to lose his family or his money. And, this is sometimes true. But, you often can't make this call immediately. Right after you find out about the affair, emotions are very high. People sort of grasp at straws and sometimes say or do things that don't mean. It's often only after the dust settles and his actions have to back up his words that you get a clear picture of what is really happening.

Sometimes you just have to commit to waiting this out to see if the picture will become more clear. Generally speaking though, over time, men who sincerely want to save their marriages make this evident by staying put, being truthful and honest, doing what needs to be done to begin the healing process, and having the patience and commitment to walk with you as you both deal with this. They will generally take responsibility and take the initiative because they know that this was their fault and their choice.

Now, you may not be able to even stand the sight of them at first. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with removing yourself from the situation until you are calm enough to be receptive without blinding anger. And, we all know that this may well take a while. There is nothing wrong with that. This truly is a process that takes some time.

What Some Men Tell Me About How They Really Feel About Their Wives After An Affair: Granted, there are some men out there who continue to be dishonest after you catch them cheating. No one can deny that. But, I really can not tell you how many correspondences I get from men who ask me what they can do to make this up to their wives. They are actually quite horrified and embarrassed. They often use phrases like "I don't know what I was thinking," or "what an old fool I was." Sure, they are looking for sympathy and advice. I can't deny this either. But, I can tell you that sometimes, the threat of losing what was important all along is enough to get these men to "wake up" and see what is really important.

I can't tell you which category your own husband falls into, but often if you reevaluate after the passage of time, he will give off some clues and will show you some actions that will help you determine if he really does want to return to you in an honest and rehabilitative way.

My husband never said the right words that made me believe he was sorry and really did want to save the marriage. But over time, his actions did. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, my marriage is stronger than ever after my husband's affair. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

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What to do about a cheating wife

Today women are set as free as men in the modern society after the women's freedom movement. Women are working in almost every field of life with men. In many parts of the world it becomes routine to work late hours or in a complex environment to fulfill the basic needs. In these circumstances scalding affairs with other man or other woman of a cheating wife are as common as of a cheating husband.

This is not as much suspicious as it is taken today. Many sociological changes make path toward such things in our life. For many husbands it is much difficult to bear that their wife is cheating on them. When ever they noticed any slight changes in their life, they just think to end up their marriage. But this is not the right thing to do; one should find out whether his wife is cheating or it is just confusion and if she is cheating in real than what makes the wife to cheat?

If you are suspicious about your wife then make a check. If you observe any sudden changes in your wife, than start observing her but try to make it secret from your wife. The following points may help you to know whether your wife is cheating or not.

Act independently - if your wife suddenly starts living independently, that is she no longer needs you to go with her for shopping, no longer wants to be with you at weekends, it would be a bad signal for you that someone else is taking your place.

No more criticism - if your wife starts accepting your each and every act without any objection and in past she used to criticize you rottenly than this may also a point to be worried that why she no longer cares about.

Late working hours - if your wife is working late hours without any return in income than may be she spends more time with her girl friends or boy friends. Getting more hours working on internet or chatting with someone special with craze is also a victim.

Question back - whenever you ask any question from your wife, she frequently used to question back from you becoming bit aggressive.

If you are sure she is cheating on you, work on it but don't try to disclose it on your wife. Give some time to her, ask whether there is any problem, and share her that she has been acting very differently in a couple of days and try to ensure her that you are much worried about her if she is facing any problem . This will build a strong confidence in your wife for you. Ask her if she needs any help or extra care in the relationship and you want to know the reason if any.

Oops, your wife is a cheater, what to do know

If your wife is a cheater, you had to do some thing about it. There are several ways of handling such a situation but if you want to continue your marriage, you should take the best action.

If you are sure she is cheating on you, work on it but don't try to disclose it on your wife. Give some time to her, ask whether there is any problem, and share her that she has been acting very differently in a couple of days and try to ensure her that you are much worried about her if she is facing any problem. This will build a strong confidence in your wife for you. Ask her if she needs any help or extra care in the relationship and you want to know the reason if any. Make your wife feel that you really love her than try to act as you know each and every thing about her cheating and still you forgive her and forget the past. Show that you trust her as you did before the incident.

You may ask for help from a good and sensible friend, hire a private investigator. But the best place to get a start is the internet. There are a lot of websites which help people like you, keeping your each and every word secret.cheating-wife.org is also a good website which helps people know how cheating wife acts, how to know a cheater. Such websites are beneficial as each and every thing is explained and what you to do are to make it practical.

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3 Signs That She Is Preparing To Cheat

There are many indications that your wife may be thinking about cheating. It is important to understand that most individuals that are being cheated on never actually catch their wives in the act.

For this reason, it is important to know and understand the signs.

Most individuals that are being cheated on typically have a feeling that something isn't right, even though it's relatively difficult to pinpoint. In this article, you will be introduced to a few signs that your wife is preparing to cheat, because the idea is to stop it before it happens.

Most guys interpret this "weird feeling" as she is cheating. When in fact, she hasn't done anything.

One of the first signs that she is getting ready to cheat is not actually a behavior that your wife engages in. It is a feeling that you get.

Many men find that before they are able to establish that their wife is cheating, they actually have a strong feelin g that something is not at all right in the relationship. There are some instances in which these feelings are nothing more than insecurity.
However, is some cases, these instincts are correct and a person is about to be cheated on. It is important to ensure that you trust your instincts about a situation in your relationship. However, if you are an insecure person or a person that experiences complications associated with trust, it is likely that your instincts will not be correct about the situation.

Many women have a large number of friends.

Women are highly social creatures who often have a mix of female and male friends. This should not bother you. There is nothing wrong with someone having friends. However, if you find that she seems a bit more interested in one particular friend - especially if they are male - than the others, it may be appropriate to become a bit concerned over the issue.

She may start to talk about this friend more than the rest. She may show a lot of interest in this person. If she starts to compare you to this friend be on high alert.

It's a subtle, but very loud sign.

Her heightened level of interest may not stem from an actual affair that is occurring, but it could be from an infatuation or other types of feelings she is developing for that person.

This is the step that takes place prior to cheating.

The next sign is that she starts to display a lack of interest in you in general.

I always tell my clients that this is the final phase.

Most married women show a fair amount of interest in the men that they are married to. If you start to find that your wife does not show this interest, it could be that she has discovered someone else to show interest in.

In many instances, the cheating has yet to occur and you can actually put a stop to it and save the relationship before you lose it.

The best solution is a combination of 3 things: "knowing the signs that your wife may be cheating", understanding her needs and figuring out if you're making any seduction mistakes.

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Why men cheat, the most common reason

It's a sad fact that many men cheat on their spouses. It is estimated that 1 in 3 men have or will cheat on their wives, that number climbs to 1 in 5 for unmarried men cheating on their girlfriends.
There are several reasons for men cheating on there wives or significant other.

Most women think that the reason for their man's infidelity, is a lust for a more attractive, slimmer, younger, sexier woman. They are partially right, men do lust other women, (as do women lust other men). That's one of the 7 deadly sins and it's been going on since the beginning of time, and will continue until the end of time.

But lust is usually not the common reason for men cheating on their significant other.
The lack of attention and admiration at home is the most common reason for a man's infidelity.
Men CRAVE attention and admiration. When a man does not feel admired at home, his resistance to lust become's weak.

Men do not pursue other women to intentionally cheat on their spouse. But if a man is not getting the attention and admiration he craves for his spouse, he is more aware of any attention that another woman is showing him. The more attention this other woman shows him, the more receptive he is to it, until finally his resistance to lust is overwhelmed by his need for attention and admiration.

When a man feels admiration from his spouse, and is getting the attention he craves. He does not want to lose that love, admiration, attention, and trust. So he becomes immune to his lustful thoughts. He is still going to have lustful thoughts, but if he is getting the love, admiration, attention, and trust he craves at home. He will keep his lustful thoughts in check elsewhere.

Monogamy is crucial for a healthy, happy, and lasting relationship. And this article is not to condole infidelity for any reason. In most cases though, a man cheating on his significant other, can usually be prevented simply by showing your man how much you admire and adore him. Make him feel needed, and appreciated. Brag about his accomplishments, don't leave the door open for someone else to show him the attention that he want's from you.

Attention and admiration is what your man craves from you. show him that he has it from you, and he won't feel the need to get it elsewhere.

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Sign Of A Cheating Husband

In my experience it hasn't been that the women didn't know a sign of a cheating husband, it has been that they ignored them to keep the peace. Looking the other way. A Cheating husband leaves many signs and it is easy to catch him when you know what to look for and especially how to go about it.

With the women that I have helped catch their cheating husbands, it started with seeing the signs and then doing something about it. Let's look at some of those each sign and you check off the ones that apply to you:

1. The cheating husband and his cell phone. Is the cell phone on silent mode when he is home? One sign is that it is on vibrate and does not ring. Do you ever see him glance down at it then put it away without every saying a word. Does he go to the bathroom for long periods of time and talk on the phone. Watch the cell phone.

2. Working late. Now this will be a pattern that just jumps up out of nowhere. All of the sudden the cheating husband has to work late and if you notice the paychecks- the overtime doesn't show up. This is a big sign of a cheating husband. Does he have emergency calls out late at night and leave for hours at a time. This is definitely one sign of infidelity.

3. Communication. Is the talking less than it normally is? Does he keep the distant look in his eyes? When he is with you- somehow you notice that he's off in another world. He may start fights over the smallest of things just so he can leave. He just doesn't want to talk about it. This is another sign of a cheating husband. When a husband is cheating the talking comes to a halt. Unless you question him. Then he will talk for days trying to get out of the sticky situation.

4. Grooming habits change for the better. Now out of second field he actually cares what he looks like. He buys new clothes and joins the gym. The treadmill comes out of the basement and he is sweating hard for somebody- Just make sure it's for you.

5. The cheating husband in the bedroom. Now other experts will tell you that the intimacy in the bedroom will dry up. But I have found this to not always be the case. In some situations, we have found that he more intimate and comes up with some new moves to try... Yes, there is a point where he falls in love with the lover and then the intimacy dries up because in his warp way of thinking- He feels guilty.

6. Last, is a sign of a cheating husband will come forth in his computer habits. Does he stay on the computer working way late into the night? Does he use email accounts that you don't know the password to? You can place a keylogger software on his computer and he will never know a thing about it being there. The software I have even shows screenshots of everything he looks at on the internet. Several women caught their husband after just one night. Very powerful strategy.

Now there are obvious other signs of a cheating husband. You know the lipstick on the collar and the hotel receipt laying on the dresser but these are far and few between. If you were paying attention to these signs, the truth is that several of these signs of a cheater could be going on and he wasn't cheating. The signs in and of themselves are not the answer. You must get solid evidence then confront him.

Learn the truth because you deserve it. You don't have to leave an entire life with those sleepless nights. Discover what he's doing and who he's doing it with. Use proven investigative techniques and find out in days... if not hours. Visit our site now for more free information:http://www.detectivecatchescheater.com

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Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs - Is Your Wife Cheating on You

It is human nature to be suspicious at times about the faithfulness of your partner however; at times suspicion is justified especially if your wife displays any of the 5 signs mentioned below.

Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs 1 Women try to look their best when they are trying to be more sexually attractive. It may be time to consider, is you wife cheating on you if she has a new attraction towards losing weight and getting back in shape without any occasion around the corner.

Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs 2 Women tend to nag and criticize their men in order to make them meet their standards and if your wife has stopped criticizing you and is being indifferent about things she previously got irritated about, it is wise to consider the possibility that there is another man in her life who she finds perfect.

Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs 3 Cheaters lie when they feel that they are being cornered. If your wife is cheating on you she will most likely lie when she is heading outdoors or staying out late.

Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs 4 If your wife wants to experiment new sexual tricks with you frequently and she previously had no interest in doing so, she is most likely experimenting to see if you like the trick so that she can try it on another man. Most women tend to try things on their husbands before they try them on the man they are cheating with.

Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs 5 If your wife encourages you to spend time with your male friends and go out often it may be time to wonder is your wife cheating on you. This is an important sign especially if your wife would not like you spending time with your friends previously but has suddenly become accommodating and understanding.

Since lies are a crucial way to hide the truth, in order to catch a cheating wife it is crucial to learn about various changes that happen when a person lies. The free report "Seven Deadly Signs Your Being Lied To explains in depth about lies and how to understand if youre being cheated on.

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The Gap in American Motherhood: or How I Survived The Amnio

The gap in American motherhood is greatly widening. If we aren't pummeled by the media with Jamie Lynn Spears, or Bristol Palin's teen pregnancies and subsequent motherhood stories, or watching the ratings rocket on the MTV show aptly named 16 and Pregnant, then we are seeing in the medical marketplace everything from IVF testing to cutsie terms like embies for embryos, and baby product manufacturers unable to keep up with the high demand for strollers and carrying devices for twins and triplets. Motherhood is skewing younger and older than ever, and I cant help but make the layman economic assumption that it is the indication of the great financial divide in our current economic crisis in the US. The teenagers are given less education and less money, so they are having more sex, and their parents, the 40 somethings that had them at twenty are so busy trying to save their jobs and put away retirement money, theyre never home long enough to coach their daughters and sons ab out the dangers of teen sex without birth control and condoms. In the middle of this mix are the new twenty-something-thirty somethings that are watching the great divide with horror in their hearts and solving the problem by not dealing with commitment or pregnancy at all and flying off to Costa Rica to sip fantastic drinks poolside and watch Lady Gaga videos on their IPhones.

As a 40 year old mom with a baby and a 5 year old, I champion the belated entry to motherhood. I was self-absorbed right about up to when I decided to get pregnant (and it was not emotional but rather something large on the top of the to do list). I was the person who glared at the harried mom with the crying baby on the plane for interrupting my ever-pressing journal entry about why I was mad at my mother for the one-hundredth time. Now I am a mom-mom. Devoted and tired and extended and elated. And besides not being the spring chicken I used to be at twenty-five, I am here to relegate what I believe is the only other downside to late motherhood: Amniocentesis. Off we go, old and conceiving kids with eggs and sperm all crusty and mutated from sloshing around inside us for too long, subjected to decades of X-Ray machines from travel or every time we microwaved at about abdomen level. Bad eating habits of Huevos Rancheros after a night of countless gin gimlets and Dunhill ci garettes. Eggs and sperm infused with the stress of our ambitious years as artists and believers and fighters. Going back to old school, how about all those McDonalds happy meals we ingested after we had our first periods and all the times we breathed in and out as we pumped gas into our cars. Power lines above our heads, and our rental apartments situated right between two cellular phone towers. The subway roaring right underneath our feet sending vibrations into our bones and our nerves and our uteruses. How about all those Tampax tampons inserted, rumored to cause abnormal hemorrhaging that translates to "egg damage". What did all this stuff do to our embryos? Apparently it really messed with the chances of having a kid with Down's Syndrome. So many of us choose to know if we are going to have a kid with some kind of awful disease that will make their lifetime on this earth potentially unbearable. Say what you want pro-lifers, but kids born with an Trisomy 18/13 barely li ve past 2 months.

I had gone on a few chat boards to see what other women in my position had thought about the amnio experience. Few talked about it. They said it would be quick and painless, and that was what it was. Many spoke about their discoveries that they had a baby with chromosome abnormalities and that they had to terminate the pregnancy. The emotion was not present, and in no way could one expect it to be on a chat board where people use terms like LOL or smiley faces created as such :) or "I had to terminate the pregnancy" :(. LOL to those of you going in for yours!" Yikes! But I was convinced that as long as my baby was not abnormal at the end of the testing, the actual experience would be fine.

The high end doctors office furnishings wanted to assure the high risk pregnancy patients that these number one doctors were rich because of the numerous times unborn babies were safely placed in their able hands for invasive testing. The waiting room was designed from a San Francisco show room out of a glossy brochure; love seat chairs, tasseled floor lamps, Kandinsky original prints and nature photos of seagulls and their shadows across a seamless pond. The check-in counter was dust free and sleek Italian marble, complimented by understated blown glass Dale Chihuly knock-off lighting sconces in the walls illuminating #1 Doctor of the Year in Physician Magazine. This was placed right by the sign in sheet so you couldn't help but feel as you handed over your insurance card to be copied that you were in the best hands in the business of invasive needle fluid extraction.

The ultrasound technician could not stop complimenting the perfection of our baby's skeletal makeup, head circumference, movement and formed limbs. I believe there was even an "I think she's sucking her thumb!" after the confirmation it was a girl. I stopped listening to him, or rather stopped trying to fully decipher what he was saying through his thick Indian accent because all I could think was "I have a perfect baby and someone is going to come in here any minute now and stick a needle into the amniotic sac, puncture it, take fluid, just to ensure that the baby is as perfect as this fully trained technician has already told me." When the technician left with a wide smile, a handshake and what I thought was a Congrats (although my husband heard it as the instruction to Keep my feet in the straps), I said to my husband in a shaky voice.

"Maybe we don't need to do this. I mean, the guy raved about our baby."

"I know but were here now," said my husband.

A nurse entered the room and sat beside the bed on a swivel chair. She logged into the computer and quickly introduced herself as Nan or Sandra or Laura. I was in twinkle land at this point. I confirmed my birth date and my name labeling a vial.

"It's kind of nice to have someone younger than 50 in here for a change," she said. When I am really nervous and questioning my own judgment, I look for any opening to be chatty. Here was my chance.

"I have to admit, I thought I was old to be having a baby until I saw a woman checking in with a walker. That bird had to be pushing 55!" I said.

I looked to my husband who had narrowed his eyes at me. He gave my leg what could be construed as consoling but we both know it was a warning squeeze.

"You're telling me," the nurse fueled me. "I don't know how half of them do it. I had a woman in here the other day, 55 having twins!"

We both shook our heads, but the nurse could not know at all what I was thinking. My husband knew what I was thinking... that this was all wrong. That I was young and my baby had ten fingers and toes, and I should bolt.

"The doctor will be right in," the nurse said, giving me no time to state my case.

She left and I was limp with distress.

We waited there for what was the longest ten minutes of my life. They had abandoned me there, my pregnant belly exposed, covered in a clear cold glop, in Scandinavian temperatures.

"Go find out what the hell is taking them so long!" I commanded my husband. "Now! Before I pull out of this!"

He left to find out what was happening and came back with the ever complimentary fountain of youth nurse who was shaking her head about some kind of snaffu which is NOT what you want to hear about when your embryo is about to be invaded by a 12 inch needle.

"I'm sorry, we just had the rooms fill up so quick. He will be right in." She breezed out and on the air of her exit, the doctor breezed in. He looked like a guy that I would buy bonds from at Merrill Lynch in Red Bank, NJ. He would definitely have a box at Giants Stadium and he went to most benefit concerts at Madison Square Garden and was probably friends of friends of Carol Alt and Howard Stern's wife. He pulled on surgical gloves and extracted a labeled tube from a test tube holder. He handed it to me.

"This is you? That is your birthday?"

I verified with what I think was 'Glub'.

"Okay, I am going to need you to relax and breath. There will be some cramping when I put the needle in but you need to just breath through it and stay relaxed. It takes about 30 seconds."

I nodded in agreement and met my husband's eyes. We were doing this. We were invading the cozy home of our loving perfect baby.

The needle went in with a click and my whole life affirming vessel tightened. So tight, so tight that I let out a couple 'Hehns" and tried to calm down. It hurt. It hurt because it was invading my large overstretched baby-carrying abdomen. He pulled the needle out, and that was it.

He shook my hand and left.

I was worn out. I was scared. I was exhausted. How were we to know the baby was okay? I was expected to walk around now for the rest of the pregnancy before I saw my doctor without any confirmation the baby wasnt nicked by the needle? No way. A new technician came in to clean up. I implored her.

"Um, excuse me, I just had my baby's embryo invaded and I desperately want to make sure there is a heart beat. Can you help me? Please?"

She looked from my belly to the ultrasound machine.

"I don't really know how to work this, but how hard can it be."

She found the gel. I took it from her and squirted it quickly in a blobby mass onto my belly. I was frightened we would get caught. I wouldn't see my baby's heartbeat, and she would get fired. She fired up the machine and took the sensor knob and rolled it around my belly. We found my girl. We found a heartbeat.

I was relieved.

"Thank you so much."

"No problem," she said with a smile.

I cleaned the new mass of clear glop off my belly with the blue surgical gown. My husband helped me as I swayed putting on my pants. I hobbled to the door and then down the hall and that is when the clog of hot emotion lodged in my throat and cut off my oxygen supply. I fell against the hall wall.

"I need to go to the bathroom," I rasped to my husband.

I plumeted into the ladies room and lurched for the square edge of the top-of-the-line Kohler sink, the floor spinning beneath my feet. I saw quick and rapid cuts to black mixed with hallucinogenic stars. I lowered myself down onto the open mouth of the toilet by way of the stainless steel toilet paper dispenser. I could feel my husband waiting outside the door, silent, not wanting to be imposing. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to fully freak out in this tiled orderly space so I had to get out, through the lobby, onto the elevator, and into the car. So I opened the door and wobbled with determination into the hallway, sniffling, gasping down the clog, my eye on the etched smoked glass double doors leading to the bank of silent gliding elevators. I had to keep it together in solidarity for the high risk moms that waited in the lobby as I walked by, a few looked up at me, searching my face, and I know that they thought they knew what happened, but they could never kno w. It's one of those unexplainable emotions. I made it to the main lobby when I lost it on my husband. He held me as he guided me to the car. I sobbed a large wet mass onto his dress shirt and we made it to the car, as I wailed and wailed. I was exhausted. The only plus side was I was supposed to be off my feet for the rest of the day, and let me tell you, as the mother of a 4 year old who does most of the domestic stuff around the house, this was going to be a good time for Kim. I was going to soak this up, order my husband around, drink wine, refuse to do any playing or cleaning or arranging. Feet up, new library book, preserve the perfect baby.

Then you wait. Two endless long hideous weeks. During this time you panic about any kind of leaking which is really brutal because as a very pregnant person you are always leaking. I spent a fair amount of time during this two weeks smelling my underwear for a clear liquid versus pee. I mean, this may seem extreme, but you have been given documentation that Vaginal leakage of a tablespoon or more of watery fluid may indicate a small hole in the amniotic membrane. Hello? Baby, hole, leaking fluid? Not a trio of fun word associations. I did even actually consider when I leaked how to measure the liquid with a tablespoon but then logistically it just couldnt be done.

I didnt mention a couple steps here in this whole charade. There was the First Trimester blood work screening. Before the screening, with the First Trimester cut off, I had a 1 in 106 chance of having a baby with Trisomy 18/13 and a 1 in 197 chance of having a baby with Down syndrome. After the screening, I had a 1 in 3,921 chance of having a baby with Trisomy and 1 in 703 chance of a baby with Downs. I had been elated and waved the letter in Helvetica font perfectly imprinted from a laser printer onto the finest watermarked paper like the flag of victory in my ob/gyns face until I saw she was nonplused.

You still should do the amnio, on my recommendation, She outlined some perfectly educated reasonable reason backed by vast experience for why I should and I left with my little flag crumpled in my damp nervous palm. There was also the Genetic counseling appointment that happens for an hour before the amnio where they verify there are no birth defects on either side of the parents families. This to me was the first implanted seed of doubt as to whether we should be going through with the amnio. But we were there by recommendation of our ob/gyn and felt we needed to power through. The genetic testing gal was pert and thin and unmarried and childless and had an urban on the move feeling about her. Surely in that black leather valise she carried were her round trip tickets to Cabo with her boyfriend of five years. She made me feel like I had really made a grave error not having a career of more stability aside from independent movie producing before deciding to give all my fre e time to motherhood at 40 when every year that then passed I would become less and less employable. I made the promise to myself right then and there to at least not allow arm flab. This was followed by a blood draw for research for a new plasma marker so my daughter or the daughters of my friends wont have to experience what I was about to experience today. Without even experiencing it yet, I was daunted and for that potential (as well as a $25 Target gift card hey diapers are expensive), I let them take several vials of blood from me. This in reflection was probably a bad idea on no food and the emotional impact of the procedure I was about to endure. But it was for my daughters future!

When I received the call that my unborn child did not have any chromosome abnormalities, I already knew in my heart it was okay. I had moved on, and besides, I was already so in love with her what would I do? I didnt want to think about it any more. I was on my way to the park with my husband on a beautiful sunny day and our 4 year old with freshly picked flowers clutched in her little alive hands. I hung up the phone.

Were in the clear, I said to my husband.

Oh that is so great! He was relieved.

I squinted in the sun at the blue cloudless sky.

Think about the people that dont get a call like that. Were lucky.

Yes, my husband said, Yes we are.

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