I Love My Husband But He Cheated On Me. Insights That Might Help

I recently heard from a wife who wanted some insights as to how to best deal with her situation. When she told me her story, it was as if she was confessing something truly awful on her part. Basically, her message was "I love my husband so much but he cheated." She said this as though one thing could or should not be possible while the other existed. Many people assume that when a husband cheats, the wife stops loving him. Or they assume that a husband who has an affair doesn't love his wife. Another assumption is that cheating happens because something is gravely wrong with the marriage. All of these assumptions are not always true all of the time, in my opinion. In fact, I would argue that, in some marriages, none of them are true. I will discuss this more in the following article.

A Wife Doesn't Always Shut Off Her Feelings When Her Husband Cheats: Unfortunately, love isn't something that we can turn off and on like a water faucet. Of course, when we learn about our husband'scheating we are devastated and doubled over in pain. But underneath these emotions, sometimes, the love remains. Now, some women do immediately turn their backs and their emotions on their husbands and no one can or should judge this because they see this as the right choice for them.

In my view, every wife should do what is right for her and her own situation. But, just like the situation varies greatly, so too can the feelings. Some people can truthfully say they no longer their husband because the affair was that big of a deal breaker. And, some women know that deep down, the love remains even if they don't understand why and even though they sometimes wish that it didn't.

It's not fair to pass judgment until you've been in this situation. Things can look quite differently then. If you are in this situation, I want you to know that I don't think you should feel silly, guilty, naive or stupid for still loving your husband. Sure, you're likely furious with him and hurting quite deeply. But I don't believe love can just vanish over night.

Why Still Loving Your Husband Is Only A Start When Healing From The Cheating: Admittedly, having the love remain is an important piece of the puzzle. But it's certainly not the only requirement in most situations. There will usually need to be a lot of healing, honesty, understanding and rehabilitation. In order to really move on in a meaningful way, you'll often need to know that the love you have for your husband is justified. You'll need to know that he's completely remorseful and willing to do the work necessary so that you both understand what lead up to his actions.

You both need to be willing to make some changes that will improve and strengthen your marriage. You will need to work on the trust and resentment. And, the person who was the cheated on will likely need to do some self esteem work because that will often take a huge hit.

None of this is easy, but it can be completely and totally worth it, especially if the love is still there. Dealing with an affair can feel like a blow and a loss. But, for me, losing the love would have been the worst thing of all. Every one is different in their opinions on this. And I respect every one's opinion. But for me, the love never left and allowing it to eventually burn out would have been the worst part of the whole situation.

Surviving The Affair is a blog I put together to share my journey. I know that this is a very difficult time, and that forgiveness can be elusive, but working through it can truly be worth the effort. Although I never would've believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is pretty high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can check it out at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

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